I may have gone on record saying the ultimate drink is probably just plain old water, preferably really really cold and maybe even right out of the tap, depending on your plumbing sitch. And last night I was super-thirsty but too busy sleeping to get something to drink, Q.E.D. I was super-thirsty in my dream and my dream-self had to stop putting the moves on Murphy Brown long enough to go get something to drink. And then I find something and start feverishly chugging but of course it does nothing to quench my thirst because dream-drinking does zero in terms of real-world physical hydration. I hate these dreams. OK never mind we know all this.

The point is, guess what beverage I chose in my dream? Plain old water. And I was drinking it out of what looked to be a 70s-era Coors can. Maybe because I recently moved to Golden? I know you enjoy interpreting my dreams! Anyway the thing is water was literally the drink of my dreams, and that is significant.

And I feel like there’s a glut of beverages in the market right now that are all about giving you options vis-a-vis water. Yeah sometimes I use phrases that I don’t know the meaning of, get over it, that happens. So there’s water and juice, there’s water and Kool-Aid like Vitamin Water, water and bubbles and juice like Fizzy Lizzy, water and globules of lychee or whatever it is you go for.

Normally, I’m all: Dude just ease up on the shenanigans and give me straight-up water. I’m so desperately tired of the dicking around. Right? And something like Hint — which is very aptly named because it’s plain old water with an almost ridiculously subtle dash of flavor buried in there somewhere — something like Hint would typically be filed right into the “Oh Jesus Just Stop It” category along with your Bluetooth earpiece.

But I’ve gone through a half-dozen bottles of this stuff and I’m starting to think they’ve got the percentages down tight. You have all the enjoyment of knocking back plain old water but then a little bit of flavor that doesn’t interfere but instead enhances the experience. It’s like ambient flavor. So even stuff like Cucumber or Pear or Pomegranate-Tangerine, which you know would be Grade-A Stank in large doses, are perfectly acceptable here.

And isn’t that what we all want out of a beverage? Something perfectly acceptable? OK fine, I guess your standards are all lofty. How is that working out for you.

9 thoughts on “Hint”

  1. This is not a watered-down drink. Jesse. Exclamation point. This is water. With a little flavor to keep your curiosity piqued. Two totally different things. CASE CLOSED.

  2. Cucumber! WTFrig? It’s not bad enough watermelon’s poor second cousin is used all over this great country to ruin perfectly good salads, now it’s got to get all high and mighty and start pissin’ in our water and telling us it’s a beverage!?! Give me a break! Next thing you know we’ll have scallion water and beet water. You were right the first time Josh, this definitely falls into the “For the love of our dear Lord and Saviour, PLEASE STOP NOW!” category. This has got to be the embryonic stem cell research of waters!

  3. this reminds me of smart water’s cucumber-lemon flavored water. i hated cucumbers until i tried this on a lark and now i put handfuls of them in my salad (take that, TimC!). sadly, i believe they discontinued the smart water line and have decided to shift focus on the ever-popular vitamin water, instead. guess i’ll just have to try this hint stuff and add a little bit of lemon-juice…

  4. The Glaceau people still make Fruit Water but now they’ve crapped it up with fructose so it’s basically watery koolaid just like the Vitamin Water. Only without the vitamins.
    Yeah, I do miss the old, un-sweet Fruit Water and now I gotta try me this Hint business.

  5. #1: I am also so down with the beet water .
    #2: I don’t think this is really a watered-down sitch at all. When I had it, it tasted like crappy ass water but when I exhaled I could feel the flavor… it was like it delivered the feeling of having drunk lavender without actually drinking the lavender. And in that respect, it’s kind of magical.

  6. Flash splash page – strike ONE!
    Promotional tie-in with crappy Tim Allen movie – strike TWO!

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