Jones Monster Mojito Soda

Is this the perfect recipe for a grown-up soda? Or just a chillingly obvious plan to turn America’s youth into alcoholics?

Man last I checked my name ain’t Heraclitus of Ephesus, what do I know about such things. Although I must admit, a soda named and flavored after a popular alcoholic drink, and sold in the Halloween section at Target–right next to the candy corn and Thomas the Train costumes–seems, what, un peu gauche?

Even so. If I go on record saying I liked this, I do not want to be blamed this Halloween when you get 93 Jango Fetts at your door screaming “Absolutely fuck a bunch of Milky Ways, we have recently acquired a taste for caipirinhas.”

I’ll say this about the flavor scientists over at Jones: they are on some next-level shit. The ingredients are just a list of chemicals, nothing even remotely resembling an actual flavor, but the end result is suprisingly mojito-like. Although it wasn’t quite minty enough, the lime and carbonation were just right, and it even (I swear) left that slightly burny aftertaste of alcohol on my tongue. It was no joke. I could totally see drinking these in the car.

Incidentally, there are little sayings on the insides of Jones soda caps, and this time mine said “Stop Smoking.” Which is a little like being reminded by a prostitute to use your turn signals when you pull over to pick her up.

One thought on “Jones Monster Mojito Soda”

  1. Ah, I see we frequent the same truck stops! I always figured she was an ex-traffic cop down on her luck. She’s also very particular about keeping your hands at 10 and 2.

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