Dear Kevin, as you know I’ve been slacktastica on my beviews as of late. And though you have done your darnedest to take advantage of my absence by pretending I was never a part of this site, going power-mad and shoving your ill-informed thoughts down the gaping maw of our readership day after day, I must unfortunately inform you that your little coup has come to a humiliating end. The heart of The Knowledge For Thirst is back.

Where have I been all this time, you didn’t bother to ask? The desert. The West. A land where people understand what it is to be truly parched. Where thirst is not a word to be lightly bandied around by chubby liberal arts majors but rather a thing to be feared. An actual living entity that can take your black heart between its arid fingers and crush it into a kind of coal-dust without even really thinking about it. I have been out in the wilderness with people — well, let me come right out and say it: men — who can appreciate thirst on a level that you can’t even see from where you’re standing. I’m talking about Level 42.

Anyway during my journeys I ended up at Target. And I guess they have lots of “alternative beverages” (that’s how they labeled the aisle) that you can only get at Target? Like they’ve cut exclusive deals? And one of those is called Snow, which as expected is a clear liquid in a clear bottle.

I was wary to give it a shot because it’s another mint drink, and your recent experience in this category left me shaken and expecting more of the same. If I wanted to drink Scope neat that’s what I’d do (and will do later on — it is Saturday night, after all).

But what ho here comes M. Night to shake things up at the last minute. Snow is a mint beverage, yes, I am not arguing that point. But the mint is way dialed down. It’s not a flavor that goes in for the cockpunch but rather gently caresses your package like a lover or kindly old doctor checking for lumps. There’s a nice balance of carbonation and cane sugar going on, too. Crisp and refreshing. Subtle mint action, a good degree of sweetness — I think this one is right up your alley. Probably more than mine, really, considering I prefer to take my mint in some form of chewable gum or flavored prophylactic.

3 thoughts on “Snow”

  1. I love, LOVE, that Metromint water! Readers, forgive these folks for they know not what they condemn!

  2. Hey good job working “crisp and refreshing” into a beverage review, I’ve never seen that done before.

  3. You see this, people? This is what I’m talking about when I talk about “heart” and how kfan’s was plucked out long ago when his mash notes to Alfonso Ribeiro came back unanswered.

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