100% Natural 7UP

So I picked me up a six of the All Natural 7UP just to see what the fuss was about. The bev community is being torn asunder by this hurly-burly. It just makes me sad more than anything else. Friends who once shared shitty white tea in the spirit of brotherhood are now calling into question each other’s sexuality or family lineage. And all because some people think high fructose corn syrup is unnatural.

But you know my deal, DJ Fanny. It’s all about the flavor. 100% natural or no, maybe tinkering with the formula resulted in something awesome and new for 7UP, that old workhorse of adequatulence. Certainly a mainstay of my own personal childhood, when I was forbidden from enjoying caffeinated drinks. And I’m ashamed to admit that the new label stirred … feelings within me. I was affected by marketing. The bright yellow band talking about how it’s “more crisp, refreshing” and the big bold limes and lemons — I actually thought: This is going to be a very special drinking experience. This is going to be fruity. This is going to be like suckling at the very ripeness of life itself. This is going to be the next evolution of sodie pop.

I’ll tell you in the name of accurate reporting that my hands were shaking a little as I raised the bottle to my lips. My mind was a delicious blank as the liquid cascaded across my tongue. My eyes were mostly closed. And upon my first swallow, I shouted to the heavens: “This tastes basically like regular 7UP!!!!!!!!!!!”

Seriously no noticeable difference. And I was really looking, too. But no, it’s your garden-variety 7UP. And frankly I think I prefer Sprite. It’s a little sweeter, right? 7UP seems over-carbonated for my tastes. Maybe I’ve just been softened up by the smooveness of Mountain Dew and its kin but I don’t needs these bubbles all up ins.

15 thoughts on “100% Natural 7UP”

  1. Thanks for falling on this most boring of swords. Personally I prefer Sierra Mist to both Sprite and 7UP, although I’m not sure why. Maybe I should set up a date with all 3 at once, to see what’s up. Maybe who really cares.
    Also I was at the supermarket last night and saw some other product marketed as “all natural” when it in fact contained HFCS. Dammit what the hell was it. Yogurt? Oatmeal? Some sort of snack bar? Anyways apparently this is turning into A Thing.

  2. For a long time I thought Sierra Mist was a Mountain Dew knockoff because, you know, Sierra/Mountain, Mist/Dew, right, I mean, RIGHT? But anyway I might agree with you that it’s my favorite iteration of limon, though for some reason I don’t think of it as a full-fledged soda. I may unconsciously lump it in with private labels, which really isn’t fair.

  3. Sierra Mist has kind of a low-rent knockoff feel to it, partly because of the name, which sounds overly labored, like it was named by some kid who just graduated from college and is trying way too hard. Tastes good, though. I would put it second next to Sprite, only because it tastes just fruity enough to make it seem more like one of those fruity sodas and not the pure synthetic soda experience I’m looking for.

  4. Did you know what you were doing when you said “Mountain Dew and its kin”? I ask because before you whippersnappers came along and Mountain Dew was turned into some sort of high-octane extreme drink for a bunch of damn-punk ADDrs and video-game junkies, it’s marketing mascot was a hillbilly. So basically I’m asking was it just an off-hand remark that came from some loose association in your head that mountain dew is a name for corn-squeezin’s made in copper stills by hillbillies or is it a pointed popular culture reference that reveals the depth of your historical knowledge of beverages?

  5. in the store yesterday i noticed that both the Newman’s Own sparkling whatever and the Arizona Iced Tea (2 out of 3 varieties) were both labeled as “All Natural” despite having HFCS batting second in the ingredient lineup. there’s definitely more than a few VPs In Charge Of Labeling and People Who Boycott Things watching the outcome of this 7Up case verrry closely.

  6. I had used “Mountain Dew and its ilk” in an earlier review and felt like I should come up with a new variation as a gift to our readers, so I went with “kin.” Little did I know I’d be setting off this socio-economic powder keg.

  7. This whole new effort to create natural products is part of a crazy health wave to attack our supermarkets. At a certain age, it’s time to accept that sweet shit is out. HFCS is only used because compared to adding pure sugar to soda would cripple Pepsico and Coke, financially. I think the makers of 7-up have set a benchmark here and many soft drinks are bound to follow suit. 7-Up is the FIRST and ONLY good lemon-lime soda, it’s good to have you back all 100% of you

  8. i tried the new 7 up and i thought the same thing, it tastes pretty much the same. but i can tell a little difference im drinking old 7 up now and it just seems more sugary and synthetic and if you pour it in a glass the new 7 up has a nice fizzle from the bottom up where the old 7up foams up and takes a little longer.
    however, anything is better than kool aid.

  9. so what, fresca gets left out of the citrus line up all together, honestly I think its the best in flavor the new labeling can go jump off a cliff for all I care as long as the citrus fresca keeps that same flavor I’m happy. I definitly feel that no other citrus drink comes this close to refreshing and rejuvinating me more, so give fresca its due folks.

  10. Recently, my dad has been making gin-and-Fresca cocktails and I think I would’ve winced on like three different levels if someone told me about that recipe but I have to say they hit a spot on hot summer afternoons. Not the spot, but definitely some spot worth hitting.

  11. Perhaps I got a bad batch, but the “all natural” 7 Up I got tasted nothing like the original. It smelled like soap and tasted like toliet water. I asked my best friend and my mom for their opinions, and they agreed. Heck, we couldn’t finish a single can amoung the three of us.
    What’s so great about all natural, anyway? Snake poison is “all natural”, and you don’t see anyone chugging THAT down.

  12. I tasted the all natural 7-Up and all I could say at first is “wow” followed by “that tastes really really bad!” I thought that maybe I got a bad batch, so I waited a couple of weeks and then got some more. It still had that really nasty bitter taste. I will never ever buy 7-Up again unless they go back to the original! I go with Sprite now!

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