AriZona Sweet Tea

I’ve never been 100% on what differentiates sweet tea from like regular tea with sugar in it, aside from it being made in the South. Maybe it’s that you add sugar while it’s still brewing, or maybe you whip up sugar syrup of some kind? Or maybe it’s just that little touch of down-home Southiness that makes it special, like Dollywood or Plessy v. Ferguson.

Point being I don’t know if I’ve ever had authentic old-school sweet tea, so I won’t be able to compare the real thing to this AriZona bastardized version, all tricked out with the High Fructose and made in … Lake Success, New York! But I can experience this thing on its own terms, just me and it, one on one. No more lies.

Well right off the bat, I forgot to shake it up before trying it (I got it at the gas station in one of those cumbersome 99¢ super-tall cans and it never occurs to me to shake up a can) so who knows what kind of flavor-silt® is lurking at the bottom. (Or fannings!) But anyway, this tastes more or less like AriZona Green Tea w/Honey (a drink I enjoy), except instead of the more subtle honey taste you get this kind of thick, blunt sweetness that pretty much piledrives down on the tea flavor from a great height, crushing its pelvis and making it cry and pound the mat in agony. Kind of sickly sweet. It also leaves behind a slick coating in my mouth, so if that’s your thing then have at it.

Anyway it’s not bad, but if I’m going to take an AriZona trip I’ll just stick with Green Tea, which is a little more subtle and sophisticated, much like yrs truly, or so the ladies tell me.

6 thoughts on “AriZona Sweet Tea”

  1. AriZona barely registers on my radar. It’s everywhere out here, but the notion of ever buying it never crosses my mind. Maybe I’m scared off by the large bottle? Or maybe I just refuse to participate in the clearly oversaturated tea market. What’s the deal.

  2. Call me British, but I don’t get the whole cold tea thing. Especially not when drunk by men.
    I never liked tea, so I may be biased, but tea doesn’t strike me as a particularly manly drink; cold tea even less so. (“Grrr, that was some good pillaging and slaughter, Sven. Pass me a nice iced tea, would you, dearie?”)
    Or am I missing something?
    Your ex-X comrade,

  3. Oh right yeah I completely forgot you guys were too cool for school. What *I* don’t get is when heavy duty tough hardcore UK types bring their moll back to the pad for some action and are all: “I’ll put the kettle on.” Everyone’s always putting the kettle on. I’m not talking about putting the kettle on and pouring some Earl Grey into the bone china and then letting it sit until it’s cold and tastes like fanny (UK version) while listening to Spandau Ballet. I’m talking about MERICAN tea, where it’s really just a base upon which you pile the corn syrup and taurine and off-the-hook flavors like ultramelon and megacran. Some AriZona bottles even have notches in the side for your fingers, because they know you’re going to be SLAMMING IT DOWN and need maximum grippage. What we’re talking about is tea to the extreme, i.e., xTrEAm.

  4. Wait a minute. Are you suggesting that this sweet, American pap is in some way more manly than real tea? Real tea is served in chipped mugs, blacker than tar and is so strong your spoon bounces when you go to add sugar. You’re allowed a little milk, but not too much; that’s for girls. You drink it hot enough to take a layer of skin off your mouth. Ideally, there should be a film of grease across the top. This is pretty much guaranteed if you get it from the right greasy spoon.
    There’s nothing less than hardcore about real tea. You can drink it cold. But only because you’re too hard to be bothered going and making another pot.
    (I like tea)

  5. I Love Arizona Sweet Tea so much I gave up sodas, to me there is no after taste like other teas i’ve had.
    Teas are not all alike , but when it comes to Arizona Sweet tea there is no least not for me, if it comes in powder I would definitly buy it… like they say “different strokes for different folks” well gotta go my tea is waiting for me and the ice is melting

  6. I have a zest for Arizona Sweet Tea in a way that I cannot express using the English language.
    I was first introduced to this fine product at a hole-in-the-wall BBQ spot about 2-3 years ago. I was served this product in a 20 oz can. I can envision the expression on my face as I took that magical first sip. As the sultry liquid splashed off of my taste buds, it was as if someone seduced my flavor glands with a cornucopia of honey, sugar and tea flavors.
    Since that fateful day, my life has centered on finding a consistent, local reseller for this delectable potion. The local convenience store has 16oz bottles, the local supermarket has 20 oz cans, and the local walmart has the 128oz jugs.
    Happy Sweet-Tea’ing to the rest of you!

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