Lotte Milkis

Oh Korea, you went and made a milk soda. No one was asking for it. There was no newly-identified market for people who like to drink milk but dislike the pesky health benefits. The streets were not flooded with people shouting for revolution and more cow in their soda. But you went ahead and did it anyway, just so I’d have something weird to drink. I appreciate your enthusiasm, if not your rate of success.

My first thought was that I should not be drinking this, because I really need to cut back on the dairy. It’s no good for my system and causes all kinds of Issues, straight up. But I recognize that the needs of science and blog traffic outweigh the needs of my feeble intestine, so I sallied forth and tried both regular and strawberry Milkis.

The main ingrediments here are milk, sugar and carbonation. I was imagining a taste something like a bubbly condensed milk, but although it’s about as sweet, it’s much thinner and not particularly milk-ish. It’s got a medicinal, Tylenol-y aftertaste that took me right back to my youth. When I was very young I needed to take pills for some random illness, but I had a lot of difficulty actually swallowing the pills. I remember being on some trip when I was really little, and the entire family being mad and stressed at me for not being able to just take the fucking pills like a normal person, and my Grandma crushing them up and mixing then into some orange juice for me. It tasted terrible but it did the trick. Which is probably why I still take all my “medicine” in liquid form.

I emailed my mom to see if she could fill in some background on the dimly-recalled memories this beverage had stirred up. What illness did I have? What were the pills I so desperately needed? Her response:

Yikes! When do you have all of these flashbacks??? We did visit Grandma when she was in Florida but we flew there. You were about 3. We went to Disney for the day too. I also recall mashing pills for you. We gave you pills when your poop was like hard balls.

So it all comes back to my stupid colon, nice. Why couldn’t I just get chocolate Ex-Lax like normal kids. Regardless, I don’t know if any of my recent Issues can be directly attributable to Milkis, but it wasn’t good enough that I’m going to risk it again. Strictly soda for this guy, way healthier on the system.

6 thoughts on “Lotte Milkis”

  1. I haven’t tried it, but the name reminds me of that one Kids in the Hall sketch. “Whole… lotta… milk-a…”
    Good times.

  2. Oh my gosh last summer I won a scholarship to come yo korea. My friend Dawn told me to try it. When I first tasted it I was like WOW this stuff is good. Ever I left Korea I’ve been craving Milkis, or as they call it in Japan Calpis. An yang hee gae sae yo!

  3. this is the greatest drink i’ve had in a long time. found at m2m in nyc. it tastes like liquid starburst. the new feeling of soda. i gotta find it in southeastern CT and buy a case. the best thing about this stuff? it comes in a freakin’ soda bottle too!

  4. Wow, they have it in New Zealand at every convenience store (it is imported from Korea so it’s CHEAPER than Coke and Pepsi ___ HOORAY). One of my Korean friends told me to try it because I like the Lotte 2% Peach and Lemon drinks.
    I will try it wen I next go to the store. It sounds nice.
    I just love azn drinks. Yessss!!!

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