Man, I am on the fence about this whole Sprite Remix thing, and I need you to pull me one way or t’other. Because my short attention span is like whoa, so on the one hand, if Sprite wants to come out with a new “FLAVOR REMIX” [emphasis added] every summer, then like, I will be standing by the display case, dollars in hand.
But on the other hand, the downside, if you will, the UNSEEN EVIL BY-PRODUCT OF SAID ACTIVITIES [emphasis not added] is that they won’t invest a lot of money to ensure that the product actually tastes good. Because who cares if it sucks, the kids will have forgotten about it by next summer. WON’T YOU, YOU FUCKING STUPID ASS KIDS?
And that right there is some jive-ass logic that I simply cannot get behind. Because then I’m all, well why even care about anything? And you know how my meds have been weird lately and I’m having a really hard time even getting out of bed each afternoon, and if Corporate America Incorporated is throwing in the towel and being like “Fuck it dude,” then what hope is there for an un-eager young not-go-getter like myself?
So what I’m saying is that Sprite Remix (DJ MegaBerry mix) is certainly not going to rouse me from my depression. Sure, it’s the natural goodness you’ve come to expect from Sprite, mixed with the dazzling tartness of nature’s berries, but it’s like they used the berries from the bottom of the bush, the ones that get pissed and trod on by every low-lying ground mammal that comes down the pike.
Clearly Canadian was killing it with the clear berry soda flava over 14 years ago, man. That shit is still so good. How hard is it for the Sprite people to even try? I mean they had the roadmap, they just chose not to follow it. Where they got the idea that Sprite Berry Remix is even remotely good is beyond me. Who are the tongueless fucks taste-testing this beverage? I need to get on that payroll. I wouldn’t even have to get out of bed for that job, just keep a fridge nearby stocked with all the test samples? Man that would be sweet. Free soda and handjobs all day long. Or whatever. I’m just thinking out loud here.