The Switch. Sounds delightfully naughty, doesn’t it? Finally, a carbonated juice for ponyboys and other assorted submissives. I jest, of course.
dot dot dot or do I?
I got black cherry because you said it’s your favorite and I wanted you to notice me for once. But really, black cherry? For me it’s one of those flavor concepts that has no bearing on its real-life counterpart, like “grape.”
Even so, I placed myself in The Switch’s strong, gnarled hands. It says “NO MYSTERY INGREDIENTS” on the label, which is the kind of no-nonsense marketing I can trust and get behind. Or get behind me, as the situation dictates. I opened my mouth and let The Switch in. AND I LIKED IT. I did not even have to use my safe word. (“Spaz.”)
Unlike tea, this drink isn’t afraid to be sweet, which is to say that it’s not completely boring as hell. But because it’s not soda, you get the sense that it’s somewhat more healthy. Or at least not as bad. There’s a section of their website that shows how it has less sugar but more actual juice than many of your garden variety sodas and juices. What’s not to like. Even if they’re lying, they’re at least telling me what I want to hear.
And even though it’s still not my favorite flavor, I found the black cherry had a delicious sting to it, not unlike the cat o’ nine tails.
This first, brief taste was but a tease and has made me curious for more. Fetch The Switch, you dirty little pig.