soy2o

So my manliness is already being called into question in the comments thanks to all the twee lukewarm candy-tea I’ve been consuming these days, and I mean whatever, that stuff just bounces off me because I know who I am, I know I once beat a barrista to death with a chair because he didn’t believe that I have to shave every single morning. I don’t have to prove anything to anybody in particular.

But even I have to admit that picking up soy2o at the grocery store was a pretty emasculating experience. Dude it’s got soy right there in the name. And did I mention it’s called soy2o? And I went for the peach mango flavor so it was a nice shade of, what, mauve, maybe? It’s like, where is the Firewire port on this bottle so I can plug in my iPod Mini and listen to my smart playlist of Decemberists bootlegs. I had to balance things out in my basket by throwing in some beef jerky and jock itch medication and a couple fish with the heads still on.

I poured the soy2o into a mostly empty can of Bud Light and brought it into work today. Maybe that troubling little aftertaste is the remnant of cheap hops, but I’m thinking it’s the goddamn soy. The tagline says “Clearly refreshing without the soy taste” but it’s basically an ugly liar. And as with the pomegranate stuff, I believe that if your product boasts about not tasting like some ingredient that’s in the product name, you should just rethink your whole business plan, but what do I know.

Anyway this stuff starts off too cloying and ends up too meaty, kind of like my prom night. I shall continue to get my soy the way men get it, which is through the “beef” at Taco Bell.