Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper

A good day for me is one where I write two paragraphs and am in bed before 10 PM. My idea of a good meal is one that doesn’t cause too much gastrointestinal distress. So how come Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper failed to meet even my sub-humanly low expectations?

Maybe I thought the Dr Pepper people were a cut above, since Red Fusion is still for me one of the most delightful new brands in recent years. I thought for sure they would parlay and capitalize, but no.

Excitement was high when I saw this new brand at the supermarket. I scored two and put them in the fridge for like a week, because I was waiting for The Perfect Time When I Was In The Perfect Mood To Appreciate Them. And then at some point the planets did their aligning thing and I was like “Now is the time” and went at it.
The smell was nice, it was like…hmmm what are the words… a combination of Dr Pepper and cherry and vanilla. And I am a dude who likes truth in advertising so that was AOK. But taste-wise, not so much. Really it tastes almost exactly like regular Dr Pepper. There’s maybe a hint of cherry in there. I’m not convinced I’d be able to tell the difference blindfolded. Why must I pin all my hopes and dreams on products which never do anything but disappoint me. I didn’t even feel like finishing the first bottle. I know, me!!!

Maybe my taste buds have just become deadened, and the unextreme, non-blastin’ flavor of Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper is unable to find burstability purchase within in my mouth hole. But really I blame the corporate marketeers, who yet again appeal to no one in their attempt to appeal to everyone.

My hope is that some good will come of my disappointment, in the form of my negative review causing severe layoffs in the New Flavor Dreamers department at The Dr Pepper Corporation of America.