Man alive. People have been all at me to drink some Aranciata. The kids seem to love it. I was wary, because I’ve been burned by the good folks at San Pellegrino before. I don’t drink coffee or coffee-flavored beverages, but I like to hang out at a coffee shop as much as the next total loser. And every time I go to a coffee shop, I look at the beverages available for purchase and think “Hmm, what would be tasty and refreshing?” And because I have the memory retention of my grandfather (who’s dead), I’m always all “Limonata! Boy that looks awesome!” And it’s totally not. It’s probably the least refreshing drink on the market today. It’s sour and syrupy and totally…bad. (What’s a synonym for bad? Ah yes: wickedly bad.)
So I’d just as soon not get fooled again, but if nothing else, I’m a completist. So: I try the Aranciata. First of all, talk about poncey, have you seen the bottle this stuff comes in? Ar-NANCY-ata, more like! Hotcha!
(Please take a moment to finish laughing. When you have collected yourself, you may continue on to the next paragraph.)
I cannot front. My initial reaction was: HFC [Holy Fucking Crap –ed.] this shit is good! No complaints in the taste department. It’s light and airy. It’s not too sweet. The orange is dazzling and does pirouettes on your tongue like a little ballerina for minutes afterwards. And it’s actually thirst-quenching, which is weird for a carbonated beverage. If you were stranded in the desert and totally parched, well, I guess you should probably try to get your hands on some water. But say you only had access to a cream soda and an Aranciata, definitely go with the Aranciata. It’s like a very rich man’s Orangina, but therein lies the problem. I purchased it from two different locations. Both times it cost $1.35 for 6.5 fl oz’s! That is ridiculously expensive. For that kind of cash outlay there better be a genie in the bottle, and she better love to give handjobs.
Sadly that was not the case. Luckily I was able to administer my own, albeit with some difficulty.